ososexilexi, I'm sitting in your house and you are not. Heh. Should I pull some kind of Seinfeldian "SOMETHING of yours has been in the toilet, but you'll never know what!" prank? Oh wait. That would only end in me getting kicked out of said house. And heartbreak ( Read more... )

Why, good afternoon, dear ElJay, fancy seeing you here! What's that? You're very busy and don't have much time to idly read my sad attempts at transitionary chatter from one mildly amusing anecdote to the next? h'Okay then. Here's a numerical list for your busy lifestyle ( Read more... )

Eeeww. God. Eewww ( Read more... )

Ok, so I think it's fair to say that my mother, for all intents and purposes, is a bit of a lush. A fully functioning lush with a six-figure income and a look about her that says, "Go ahead, force me to put your neck between my high-heeled boot and the floor, I defy you to" but a lush nonetheless. That's fine; I enjoy a cocktail or six along with ( Read more... )

Seventeen hours later and my throat is still sore and crisp from the gunpowder slow-smoking we were subject to last night. Not that I'm complaining, because the awesome half-hour fireworks show at Faith Baptist Church was really, really worth it--they outdo themselves every year. I have adored fireworks ever since I was a little girl, sitting on ( Read more... )

We have this courier at the papers whose sole job it is to drive between our three offices once a day and deliver all the assorted miscellany that goes along with running a spread-out company: ad specs, proofs, invoices and the like, most of which could be faxed but hey, somebody's elderly father-in-law needed the job. The spry senior in question ( Read more... )

So, on my way to work this morning, I get stuck behind a federal government van marked as a Veterans' Transportation of America van or something like that. This is our brilliant plan of putting our tax dollars to work for veterans--"sorry, you have to pay for your own body armor while you're in combat, and when you return stateside, don't let the ( Read more... )

So far this morning, I've: spent about 30 minutes chasing a tree frog out of my office, which slipped itself into the morning mail and, lucky me, excreted massive (for a frog) amounts of froggie poop and pee all over said morning mail, and then led me on a long mission of extrication, forcing me to re-arrange all the office furniture to finally ( Read more... )

My head is still kinda spinning from the unexpected Porn Karma Bonus I (we) received on Saturday night ( Read more... )

Ok, so, this is my first ever transmission to the blog-lovin' universe. I know, in an era where even Paris fucking Hilton's chihuahua has its own blog (or is it Britney Spears' swamp fetus that blogs? I forget), I am nothing special. In fact, I kinda hate blogs. Well, actually, I secretly like blogs. I am a total voyeur. But I tend to hate the ( Read more... )